• Mike Douglas

Distracting myself as an episode starts


I can feel that emotion building. It's not a particular emotion, I don't think just a heightened sense.

My body having felt exhausted has collapsed on the sofa, then started small twitches in my arm. I opened my eyes to awake from the inner me. My body now tenses. First my stomach, which causes me to curl up as my chest tightens. My shoulders and arms are pulled inward. In slight breaks from the tension my body seems to gasp for air, for freedom from this increasingly restrictive position.

In desperation to do something to slow this process I grasp my phone and start typing this. An opportunity to explain some of what is happening, but also a chance to try and distract myself and focus on something else.

Slowly the intensity of the cramping lessens. I am no longer curling up. I still feel a tightness, but it is no longer restricting my body. My feet have become very fidgety, with my hands now occupied in typing.

My mind feels more my own again. I can now extend my legs.

Fortunately this has worked really well this time in preventing that spiral becoming worse and eventually uncontrollable.

Thank you phone, my modern paper and pencil. I still massively prefer writing to typing. But I really find typing stuff up boring and uninspiring. So....

This helped me.

Hopefully it's helped someone else in some way, maybe.

YNA

#Depression #episodes #emotion #writing

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